Thursday, April 29, 2010

A Gray Week?

Before I get sad, I want to THANK those of you who e-mailed, called or texted this week. If just to say "HI, I'm reading the blog," or "missed you at playgroup today." I REALLY needed those. Those little notes help lift me up when I don't even know I need it. THANK YOU!

"Gray day....everything is gray.
I watch. But nothing moves today."

This seems to be how I've felt all week. I don't really know why. I can't explain it. I mean, I guess I could, but there's just so much to it. Blame it on our "separation," the fact that I will only be collecting 5 more weeks of pay, my physical exhaustion...hell, my MENTAL/EMOTIONAL exhaustion....a combination of everything. Whatever "it" is, it's new territory for me. I was a bit anxious right before Alistair was born. I was excited and done being pregnant, was at ease with the whole "labor and delivery" thing, but NEVER did I experience such unexplainable anxiety on this kind of level. The more I think about it, the more I keep re-reading last Tuesday's post and asking myself, "why?" "Why, when I have so much to be happy about, do I feel so incredibly sad.....all the time?" No matter how sunny the day or how happy the kids....i just can't get happy. Am I becoming one of those statistics? Am I a basket case? Am I making it worse for myself?......

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