Friday, April 30, 2010
I was feeling more like myself today, in fact, I was feeling GREAT, so Alistair and I took a detour to the park and got to visit a bit with a dear, DEAR friend!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
"Gray day....everything is gray.
I watch. But nothing moves today."
This seems to be how I've felt all week. I don't really know why. I can't explain it. I mean, I guess I could, but there's just so much to it. Blame it on our "separation," the fact that I will only be collecting 5 more weeks of pay, my physical exhaustion...hell, my MENTAL/EMOTIONAL exhaustion....a combination of everything. Whatever "it" is, it's new territory for me. I was a bit anxious right before Alistair was born. I was excited and done being pregnant, was at ease with the whole "labor and delivery" thing, but NEVER did I experience such unexplainable anxiety on this kind of level. The more I think about it, the more I keep re-reading last Tuesday's post and asking myself, "why?" "Why, when I have so much to be happy about, do I feel so incredibly sad.....all the time?" No matter how sunny the day or how happy the kids....i just can't get happy. Am I becoming one of those statistics? Am I a basket case? Am I making it worse for myself?......
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
"Some days are yellow.
Some days are blue.
On different days I'm different too.
You'd be surprised how many ways
I change on different colored days.
On bright red days
How good I feel
To be a horse
And KiCk my heels!
On other days I'm other things.
On bright blue days I flap my wings.
Some days, of course,
Feel sort of brown.
Then I feel slow
And low, low down.
Then comes a yellow day.
I am a busy, buzzy bee.
Gray day....everything is gray.
I watch. But nothing moves today.
Then all of a sudden
I am a circus seal!
On my orange days
That's how I feel.
Green days. Deep deep in the sea.
Cool and quiet fish.
On purple days
I'm sad. I groan.
I drag my tail.
I walk alone.
But when my days
Are happy pink
It's great to jump
And just not think.
Then come my black days.
Mad. And LOUD.
I growl at every cloud.
Then comes a mixed-up day.
I don't know who or what I am!
But it all turns out alright,
And I go back to being....
Funny how so many children's books speak so deeply. They state so simply what I have been trying so hard for so many weeks to put into "grown up" language!
Isn't it true that we all need to hold onto to our childish innocence? Isn't that how we see the clearest? Unclouded by "grown up" language or "reason?"
- Posted from my iPhone
Monday, April 19, 2010
If you REALLY want to know please allow me to add this: Though I may struggle, I know have nothing to worry about. Every woman about to give birth has anxiety to some extent. We might be in a "special" situation right now, but it's temporary, there WILL be an end and I will apreciate my life more and more everyday. I have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband who listens to me cry over the phone and somehow STILL loves me more everyday! We are so blessed to have a beautiful, loving, (mostly) well-mannered son who makes our world go around. We have a home, a loving family, wonderful friends and awesome neighbors! What else is there?
So, as I sit here, in the first bit of mental/emotional peace I've had in a while, I am reflecting on what is really important. I am counting my blessings. We are 8 weeks away from the birth of our second beautiful, perfect blessing and I am sending up prayers of thanksgiving for all these things I have listed and so many MANY more that I couldn't even begin to type out. I am praying for healing for those who have lost and those who hurt. I am praying for love for those who don't know HIM, babies for people who desperately ache for one and understanding for anyone who has been cast out. Most of all, I am praying for HAPPINESS for all of you. Those who have been through things with me, those who have stayed just a phone call away even if those phone calls are few and far between, even those of you who just read the blog and those of you I have been blessed to meet only recently, . You are all a part of my life in ways you may not even know. I pray that you all experience happiness at its fullest. Not necessarily material wealth or outward joy. But, PEACE. I wish you PEACE.....there is nothing more......
One Day at a Time
Whatever the goal we're pursuing,
No matter how rugged the climb,
We're certain to get there by trying our best
And taking One Day at a Time.
"Forever" is hard to imagine,
"The future" may seem far away,
But every new dawn brings a wonderful chanceTo do what we can on that day.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Thursday, April 08, 2010
- Posted from my iPhone
Saturday, April 03, 2010
So, what kicked my butt into gear?! Well, at Friday's appointment, I had borderline BP again, which is NOT a big deal. What WAS a big deal was the semi-regular "uterine activity" I was experiencing. In other words, contractions! I was a little freaked out, to say the least, and after spending 3 1/2 hours that morning timing and logging them, I rushed to pack overnight bags for both myself and Alistair in the event that my doctor sent me to the hospital for monitoring. Just the thought of POSSIBLY delivering a baby 10 1/2 weeks early had me in tears, but remember, Noah's still in Va and we're still in Md! It would take him at least 3 hours to get here! Thankfully, my doctor decided to just send me home on modified rest for the weekend and have me monitor myself. Things are calm now and so am I. I will be going back to work on Monday and, hopefully, be getting to my due date by just slowing down a bit.
Lots of stuff is happening around the yard these days too! Noah has been home on the weekends and we've been cleaning up storm damage from the blizzards, trimming bushes and getting the garden ready for planting!